Where's Molly???

Originally uploaded by mmoster.

We just dropped Molly off at the dog boarding place. The place we board her at has a webcam positioned above the doggy play area so you can watch them from afar. The only problem? There's a bunch of other average sized, black dogs. Brent and I sat here for awhile trying to find her. The conversation went something like this:
"Oh thats her. No, wait her tail doesn't curl up like that."

"There she is!"

"Oh you're right, I think that is her. Oh wait, I think thats a brown spot on the ass. Is that her over there?"

"Yeah, I think so..."

It went on like that for awhile. And so, friends, I challenge you to a game of "Where's Molly?". I suggest you re-acquaint yourself with her

visage before embarking on this quest. Once you've done this, click here to go to the Canine Companions dog cam page. Choose the 'large dog area' and let the games begin!

Its a special day for a special boy!

Originally uploaded by mmoster.

Hey everyone, its my darling husband's birthday. He's 24 today and still going strong. Be sure to congratulate him on having survived the great locust plague of '84 as well as the scrofula that was making the rounds in '97. He's a man of bravery and wit, and will be the salvation of us all. Happy Birthday, dearest dearums.

They're addictive, no?

You are a Folkie. Good for you.


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Cocktail


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All I did was add the picture.

>
Originally uploaded by mmoster.

People, if I've learned anything, I've learned not to overexert myself. So, instead of putting original thought into this, I'm going to let Allison speak for me. She put it so eloquently at The Spectacled Goat that I wanted all my readers to know how smart my new friends are and also that they should be in constant fear of losing my affections to the Gold friends. So, For Your Review fans, read on and be sure to write your own senators about this!
Melissa

Dear Senators Bayh and Lugar:

I have recently been informed that Senator Allard is re-introducing the Marriage Protection Ammendment today. I STRONGLY URGE you to take every action you possibly can to strike down this heinous, ugly legislation. There are FAR more pressing issues at hand in America today--namely, a two-front war which has been proven largely unnecessary and wasteful, the deep black hole of DEFICIT which even REPUBLICANS have done nothing to stymie, millions of Americans without adequate food, shelter or health care, and an under-funded educational system which is producing increasingly uneducated people. Furthermore, the United States is one of the last industrialized countries to not legally recognize all unions, regardless of sex. We used to be a world leader;however, it is legislation like this that will serve to quicken our slide down down the slope of ignorance and end up just like the countries we are currently at war with.

I hope that you both will focus on these immediate issues and refuse to be sidetracked by a piece of legislation focused on further dividing your consituents and fellow citizens and distracting them from the aforementioned issues.

Sincerely,

[Spectacled Goat]

The Pupperkins goes digital.

>
Originally uploaded by mmoster.

Hey all, I've finally accomplished something that was on my to do list--I made Molly a page at Dogster.com. You can reach Molly's special online page by following this link. Its full of cute pictures and information so personal, it will leave you wondering if you ever really knew Molly in the first place. Also, in the upper right hand corner, there is a little bone you can click on to 'leave a bone for Molly.' I know I can't force you to do it, but it really just means so much to Molly. Her self esteem is down a bit lately and she's been dwelling on the tragic death of her mother. So please, if you have a little extra time, please leaver her a bone. If we all do that, then maybe, just maybe Molly will start to believe in herself again. Again, that page can be reached here.

On surviving a bad economy with an English degree.

Originally uploaded by mmoster.

This American life hits like a ton of bricks once you're off the parents payroll. Housing, food, dog treats...all things that cost mucho dinero. But its all gonna work out, right? You've been prepared since birth to be a hardworking, model American. You got good grades, went to college, and then eventually a B.A. You're all set right?

Motherfucking no!

You're not ready at all. English degree? We want someone with a business degree or 10 years experience--not an English major! Who cares that I'm brilliant? No one, that's who cares. Oh yes, we are prepared, are we not, by our schools of liberal arts to be analytical thinkers, concerned citizens, spiritually sound individuals, but a job? Oh my, no. Sorry, I'll just take that cookie back. So hired we become by the restaurants far and wide, pining for a day when this world will say, "Send us your artists! We want your thinkers, they shall save us all!" Until then, I'll keep up my subscription to 'Crap Jobs Weekly', and dream of better things.

I'd do her

You're Lili St. Cyr!


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So, it appears I'm psychic...

Originally uploaded by mmoster.

Dear all,
Yes I know it seems farfetched, but this week, I've had Gandalf-like premonitions that certain things would come to pass. Perhaps its my dead grandmother speaking to me, as she has appeared in my dreams at least twice this week. I know there will be naysayers (ahem, Jodi!), but can we really deny the collective unconscious? I think not. Here is the list of all my premonitions that have actually happened.

1. That Brent and I would go to the local strip club. We did! (Don't worry, I didn't cheat and tell Brent we should go. He suggested it, and the group we were with agreed.)
2. I had a strange urge to phone my friend Lucy about a week ago. We don't often talk on the telephone, so it wasn't a routine thing. Later on that day, she called me to tell me her little guinea pig that she's had since college passed away.
3. I predicted the engagement of two friends from high school. I don't see them a lot, but, sure enough, they're getting hitched! It was just announced this week in the paper.
4. And just now, I was channel surfing and started thinking about the movie "10 Things I hate About You." That's right, yours truly can now control pre-programmed, television schedules.

And so, as Brent says, this is all 'unequivocal proof.' IN fact, now that I've written everything out, I'm a bit overwhelmed with the scope of my powers. I'm going to go seclude myself, a la a Middle Ages monk, and reflect on the glories in my life.

This just in!

Originally uploaded by mmoster.

So, last night on the Daily Show, Jon Stewart showed clips of Bush during a 'town hall' meeting to discuss his Social Security plan. It was so funny, I had to look up the footage on Cspan. If you want to see the whole event, please check it out for yourself. But to save you time, I thought I would create a transcript for you--complete with all the uh's and ums.

Here is a dialogue between Bush and his 'constituent' on the plight faced by African American's today: (At 28:43, if you look for it)
"And secondly the interesting… there's a, there's a…you know…African-American males die sooner than, uh, other males do. Which means the system is inherently unfair to a certain group of people. And that needs to be fixed, heh, its not a..."
"I agree Mr. President"

This is followed up with a perfect example of how out of touch with the 'youth movement' Bush is.
"Ok, I thought we’d try to find somebody who…represents the youth movement, I’m not saying you all are old but...heh-heh...we did find us a dairy farmer from the great state of Utah…"

Thats right folks, we in the 'youth movement' are apparently best represented by a dairy farmer from Utah. Wow. Thats all I have to say.

Quiz Time II

Originally uploaded by mmoster.

Ok, the response to the first quiz was not outstanding. But I do have faith in you, my adoring public! I know you can do better. Your next task, my precious ones, is this:

"It is a truth universally acknowledge, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife."

I have considered the possibility that you all hate these quizzes, so lets take a vote. If you want them gone, they're outta here, no questions asked. Cast your vote today!

Should they stay, or should they go?
Democracy is alive and well on the "For Your Review" Blog. Cast your vote for the quotations quiz! (The exclamation point is to emphasize the fun involved.)
	Keep the quotations quizzes, I love 'em! (And promise to leave an answer.)
	Kick them to the curb. Its a waste of time.
	I like a brain teaser every now and again, but not the literary quotes. Try something else.
	This Poll by mmoster
Click here to view results

Schlachthof-funf!!!

Originally uploaded by mmoster.

The answer to the first "For Your Review" Quiz is Slaughterhouse Five, by Kurt Vonnegut.

Quick bite of the novel (stolen review from Amazon, that is):
Kurt Vonnegut's absurdist classic Slaughterhouse-Five introduces us to Billy Pilgrim, a man who becomes unstuck in time after he is abducted by aliens from the planet Tralfamadore. In a plot-scrambling display of virtuosity, we follow Pilgrim simultaneously through all phases of his life, concentrating on his (and Vonnegut's) shattering experience as an American prisoner of war who witnesses the firebombing of Dresden.

Don't let the ease of reading fool you--Vonnegut's isn't a conventional, or simple, novel. He writes, "There are almost no characters in this story, and almost no dramatic confrontations, because most of the people in it are so sick, and so much the listless playthings of enormous forces. One of the main effects of war, after all, is that people are discouraged from being characters..." Slaughterhouse-Five (taken from the name of the building where the POWs were held) is not only Vonnegut's most powerful book, it is as important as any written since 1945. Like Catch- 22, it fashions the author's experiences in the Second World War into an eloquent and deeply funny plea against butchery in the service of authority. Slaughterhouse-Five boasts the same imagination, humanity, and gleeful appreciation of the absurd found in Vonnegut's other works, but the book's basis in rock-hard, tragic fact gives it a unique poignancy--and humor.

THE ANSWER TO THE BONUS QUESTION, which nobody got was:

Schlachthof-funf: Schlachthof-funf is the German for Slaughterhouse-Five. The Germans tell the Americans kept as prisoners of war in Dresden to remember this as their address in case they get lost.

"At some point in the grocery, my penis was visible."

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY
1) Mel
2) Mungu
3) Mother Witchclit

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU'VE HAD
1) Middlemarche
2) Oldspice27
3) Titania27

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF
1) Sense of humor
2) I'm nice to homeless people
3) Good in the kitchen

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF
1) Kind of a wuss
2) Suck at cleaning
3) Bit of a hypochondriac


THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE
1) Town famous for producing the whitest white girls you ever did see.
2) Mass, every Sunday of my life until I was 18
3) German

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU
1) BIRD FLU!
2) Being average
3) Vampires, spiders, car accidents, having Republican children, death, Conservative nutcases, nuclear war, and many other things

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS
1) The pupperkins
2) Internet
3) Handwashing

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW
1) Blue sweater
2) Pen in my hair
3) Brent's socks

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS AT THE MOMENT
1) Beatles (safe answer, but always my favorite)
2) I'm kinda in this 70's & 80's thing right now
3) Garbage

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT THE MOMENT
1) Cruel to be Kind
2) Queen of Hearts
3) Not really a favorite, but, Informer by Snow. (its in my head b/c of that show I love the 90's)

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS
1) Knitting
2) Finish reading all of the top 100 novels
3) Acing the Gre Lit exam

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP
1) Lots of laughs
2) Someone who remembers my birthday and my eyecolor
3) Drunk conversations

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE
1) I'm a big proponent of female masturbation.
2) I want to get out of the midwest.
3) All three of these statements are lies.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE GENDER TO WHICH YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO THAT APPEAL TO YOU (coming up with a neutral construction of that heading took some linguistic gymnastics)(good thing I stretched first)
1) Penis size, right?
2) Rosy taint
3) Nipples that just won't quit

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO
1) Organize my living space
2) Keep track of my finances
3) Prevent the aging process

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES
1) Reading
2) Talking on the phone (sounds jr highish, I know, but absolutely true)
3) Reading everyones blog

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BADLY RIGHT NOW
1) Something really exciting!
2) Hanging out with someone...anyone
3) Win a million dollars

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING
1) Professor of Literature
2) Professional hobo
3) Gossip columnist/international spy

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION
1) Europe, all of it
2) Another dimension/parallel universe, just for kicks
3) Australia, so I can finally meet all of my husbands friends who live there

THREE KID'S NAMES
1) Antigone Eustace
2) Allistair Devonshire
3) Barry Eugene

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
1) Write a novel revered by all
2) Be financially independent
3) Win Prom Queen

THREE WAYS I AM STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY
1) I have big hands that are good for opening pickel jars
2) Ditto on not changing my last name when I was married
3) I do most of the driving

THREE WAYS I AM STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL
1) The whole breast thing
2) I love being bossed around by men
3) I can fake a quality orgasm.

THREE CELEB CRUSHES
1) Peyton Manning
2) Jude Law
3) Roseann

Where to Cap'n?

Lets do a little time travelling, as I didn't say much about Xmas this year. Its always a hectic time of the year for us b/c Brent's parents are divorced so we have to do two of everything for his family. Snow, as I've mentioned earlier, was certainly an issue...a suck-ass issue, that is. Since my accident this summer, I've become a compulsively careful driver and snow fucks with everything.
The first leg of our journey to Brent's dads was the most perilous, as I've mentioned on a previous post. We were on a State highway, but it hadn't been cleared at all. We passed quite a number of cars in ditches and we had to stop and help one woman who was just in front of us. This, you can imagined, terrified me. I cried and hyperventilated a bit, so sure was I that we too would be in an accident. (Yes, I know, I might need to see a therapist about this) But Brent was doing a good job driving and we were going very slowly, WHICH YOU SHOULD when there is fucking snow on the ground. This is addressed to all the assholes who lined up behind us. Way to fucking tailgate during a Level 3 snow storm! At one point, this jerk even sped past us on the g.d. shoulder! The arrogance! The hubris!

But I'm over that. The only other point that snow was an issue was in trying to go to Brent's grandparents Dragoo's house, just outside of Liberty. You must understand that Liberty has the worst snow removal service. Also, since nearly all of the county is comprised of flat corn/wheat/soybean fields, the wind gets really fierce and the snow drifts so the highway dept. can't keep up w/ snow removal. Needless to say, the grandparents were snowed in. This was really a downer for everyone, as they've hosted this shindig on Christmas Eve for at least 4 decades now without fail. Also, they're awesome people. Brent's uncle was the former president of the bank in town, so we thought maybe he could call in a favor, but apparently the clout goes when you retire. So it goes. Eventually, we were able to get out there and fun was had by all.

Christmas at my house is really too ridiculous to discuss. With too many childrent to count, presents literally take up a good chunk of the living room. Good times and presents though...

Onto Brent's mother's we went, where much 'family time' was spent. It was pretty draining as Grandparents Goodwin are getting REALLY old. Bill (Grandpa) is kinda mean to his wife who has parkinsons and she is mean right back. (He was getting chemotherapy for cancer and she acts like its a cosmetic procedure.) He nearly got kicked out of the old folks home for yelling at other people. Also, he tells lies under the guise of anecdotes. They are both really weak now. Here is a pic of people helping Grandma Goodwin to the bathroom.

The Fam
Originally uploaded by mmoster.

Doesn't looks so spry, eh? Brent has no patience for them either. I don't think he's just being a jerk, its how he feels about life. At nearly any other point in history, people woulda been dead by this age, but now modern medicine keeps people alive well after they stop enjoying life. He said if he ever gets like that he would just take himself out...so it goes.
The g-parents are sorta hard to handle, but Brent's aunt and uncle are pretty awesome. They are what you would call 'hip and with it'.Bob got pretty drunk on Xmas though, which was bizarre to see since he was the only one in the whole family who was drunk. It was pretty weird b/c Susie was trying to placate him and he was a bit belligerent about the whole thing. But Bob did say, and I quote. "I like Melissa better. Now Brent, I could take him or leave him, but I really like Melissa." Good taste he has, good taste.

Bob & Susie
Originally uploaded by mmoster.

Of course, Christmas ended with that fabulous trip to the Colts game, but that was a post unto itself. (Colt's game post)

I must thank you, my dear audience, for putting up with my shaggy dog story. I know, in the scope of things, none of this information will end up as jeopardy questions, but just the same, thanks for humoring me. Merry Christmas to all, and to all, plague and blight.

PS--for a few New Years pics, check out Brent's Blog!

Speak roughly to your little boy, and beat him when he sneezes...

Which character from Alice in Wonderland Are You? Cheshire Cat Cheshire cat confuses people for his amusement, but still, very funny! ‘Twas brillig, and the slithy toves, did gyre and gimble in the wabe. All mimsy were the borogoves, and the momeraths outgrabe. Third Chorus!

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

The new "For Your Review" game!

Who's there???
Originally uploaded by mmoster.

Here's how it works: at least once a week I will post a quote from a famous literary work. Don't worry, I'll choose from books you're likely to have read. If it turns out you haven't read the book I quote, then you had better get off your ass and read it already. I was just ruminating again how likely it is that we die at any moment, so make haste, lest you spend eternity regretting that you didn't get the top 100 novels of all time read. Seriously, this is only for your benefit. So here goes...your first task. And the quote is:

Billy Pilgrim has come unstuck in time.


PS: Bonus points if you can identify the title in German. No, this is not me being capricious, its sort of a clue.

I Mock the 2nd Level of Hell

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Moderate
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very High
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	High

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Self Help 2005

What's Your Resolution, Chump?
Its a new year, so its time for another round of unfulfilled promises to yourself. What's yours?
	Lose weight. (I get dressed in the dark, its so bad)
	Quit smoking. (A homeless guy said I smelled badly!)
	Send more money to Melissa.
	Have more sex. (I'm shrivelling down there from lack of use!)
	Have less sex. (My loins are rubbed raw)
	Find a job. (i.e. My parents cut me off.)
	All of the above. (Yes, I know its contradictory, but I like being contrary)
	This Poll by mmoster
Click here to view results

What does Ayn Rand think about the tsunami?

All~
Here is a charmer of an article, really makes you feel good about humanity. Lets just  be glad she's not running the world.

U.S. Should Not Help Tsunami Victims
Thursday December 30, 2004
By: David Holcberg

Our money is not the government's to give.

As the death toll mounts in the areas hit by Sunday's tsunami in southern Asia, private organizations and individuals are scrambling to send out money and goods to help the victims. Such help may be entirely proper, especially considering that most of those affected by this tragedy are suffering through no fault of their own.

The United States government, however, should not give any money to help the tsunami victims. Why? Because the money is not the government's to give.

Every cent the government spends comes from taxation. Every dollar the government hands out as foreign aid has to be extorted from an American taxpayer first. Year after year, for decades, the government has forced American taxpayers to provide foreign aid to every type of natural or man-made disaster on the face of the earth: from the Marshall Plan to reconstruct a war-ravaged Europe to the $15 billion recently promised to fight AIDS in Africa to the countless amounts spent to help the victims of earthquakes, fires and floods--from South America to Asia. Even the enemies of the United States were given money extorted from American taxpayers: from the billions given away by Clinton to help the starving North Koreans to the billions given away by Bush to help the blood-thirsty Palestinians under Arafat's murderous regime.

The question no one asks about our politicians' "generosity" towards the world's needy is: By what right? By what right do they take our hard-earned money and give it away?

The reason politicians can get away with doling out money that they have no right to and that does not belong to them is that they have the morality of altruism on their side. According to altruism--the morality that most Americans accept and that politicians exploit for all it's worth--those who have more have the moral obligation to help those who have less. This is why Americans--the wealthiest people on earth--are expected to sacrifice (voluntarily or by force) the wealth they have earned to provide for the needs of those who did not earn it. It is Americans' acceptance of altruism that renders them morally impotent to protest against the confiscation and distribution of their wealth. It is past time to question--and to reject--such a vicious morality that demands that we sacrifice our values instead of holding on to them.

Next time a politician gives away money taken from you to show what a good, compassionate altruist he is, ask yourself: By what right?