To fill time...

1. First grade teacher's name: Mrs. Zimmerman

2. Last person you kissed: The Husband

3. Last word you said: alright then

4. Last song you sang: Theme song to Malcolm in the Middle

5. Last person you hugged: Husband, again

6. Last thing you laughed at: Running away from the maniac car salesman

7. Last time you said 'I love you': Today, to the husband

8. What's in your CD player: My friend John Orr's cd

9. What socks are you wearing: dorky, white gym socks

10. What's under your bed: I don't want to know

12. Current taste: Mexican food

13. Current hair style: overdue for a haircut

14. Current clothes: sweater and jeans (and the zipper just won't stay up, terribly annoying)

15. Current Job: Underemployed

16. Current longing: living above the poverty line

17. Current desktop picture: Images from space

18. Current worry: Moving

19. Current hate: Neo-cons

20. Story behind your username: My IM name is the title of a George Eliot novel, Middle Marche, I liked that it mimics my initials

21. Current favorite article of clothing: Sexy clothes that fit again!

22. Favorite physical feature of opposite/same sex: a pleasant face

23. Last CD that you bought: John Orr's cd

24. Favorite place to be:library or bookstore

25. Least favorite place: work?

26. Time you wake up in the morning: (she blushes) 10 am

27. If you could play a new instrument, what would it be?: Piano or hand drums

28. When was the last time you surprised yourself?: Running away from maniac car salesman

29. Current favorite word/saying: Holy Mother of Stain

30. Favorite books: Oh, so many, Pride and Prejudice, Memoirs of a Geisha, I Claudius

31. Favorite Movies: Any crappy 80's movie and anything with a makeover montage

32. Favorite Songs: I'm wallowing in Garbage right now, but I can't choose a fave among them

34. One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to: My biological grandfather, the only person I know is deceased in my birth family

35. Favorite day: Christmas, say what you will, but I love it. Also, Halloween

36. Where do you want to go: All of Europe, Africa, Thailand, India, South America, Australia, oh so many places

37. What is your career going to be: Professor of English Literature (hopefully)

39. What kind of car will you have: hybrid, family car

40. Type a line you remember from any movie: I think a small, southern wedding is just the ticket.

41. A random lyric: Smile, come on get happy

42. Hair Color: A point of contention, but somewhere between blonde and red

43. Righty or Lefty: Righty

44. Zodiac Sign: Libra

45.Innie or Outtie: Innie

DESCRIBE...

46. Your heritage: Not positive, but I know I have some welsh

47. The shoes you wore today: New Balance gym shoes

48. Your hair: long and messy

49. Your weakness: too nice (she winces)

50. Your fears: Conservatives getting their way on anything, having kids who end up Republicans, not accomplishing my goals

51. One thing you'd like to achieve: oh, that PhD

IN THE PAST YEAR:

52. drink: yes, in fact, I'm drinking a gin 'n' tonic as we speak

53. Smoke: (guiltily) yes, but that is about to end

54. Done a drug: no comments

55. Made Out: all the time

56. Go on a date: Yesterday Brent and I went to see the Interpreter

57. Eaten an entire box of Oreos: Nope

58. Eaten sushi: only w/ friends as the Hubby hates seafood

59. Been dumped: No, thankfully, married 1.75 yrs

60. Made homemade cookies: Only at Christmas

61. Been in love: For the rest of my life, I'm taken

62. Gone skinny dipping: Not in the last year

63. Dyed your hair: Once, but no one could even tell, so I don't know that it will happen again

64. Stolen anything: No comment

HAVE YOU EVER...

65. Had too much to drink:oh god yes

66. Been caught cheating: nope

67. Been called a tease: no

68. Gotten beaten up: Do siblings count?

69. Changed who you were to fit in: For work, I have yes, but on my own time I'm me

70. Cried at something beautiful: Yes

71. Spent too much money on something you didn’t need: on electronics, it happens frequently

72. Cried when someone died: Yes

73. Been so angry you cried: All the time

74. Lied for attention: Hmm, nope

GENERAL INFO...

75. My name is:

76. Height: No comment

77. Favorite toe: My second toe, which happens to be the longest

78. In the morning I am: cranky, angry

79. All I need is: good friends

80. Love is: essential

81. If I could see one person right now: My long distance friends

82. Shoe size: way to big for my short stature, sz 8.5

The world's tiniest violin...

Tired of moving.

Sept. 99--Moved from Liberty Indiana to Galesburg, Illinois.
May 2000--Back to Liberty.
Sept. 2000-Back to Galesburg
May 2001--Back to Liberty
Sept. 2001--Back to Galesburg.
May 2002--Moved to Indianapolis.
December 2002--Moved to the House of Lies in Galesburg.
May 2003--Moved to Bloomington, IN
August 2003--Moved to Indianapolis.
August 2004--Moved to Bloomington.
May 2005--Moving to Carmel Indiana.

That's right, bitches, count 'em. That's 11 moves in 6 years. A bit ridiculous huh? When I tell people how many times I've moved in the last couple of years, they get all cute and say, "Oh, you must be good at it then."

People who know me know that I absolutely SUCK at moving. If everything that has been discarded in the haste of moving (that's right, I pack at the very last minute) were tallied up, I'm sure it would account for hundreds of dollars of belongings. This is a pity me blog, as you might have guessed. Honk if you sympathize. Honk if you love me!

Music and Mayhem

A few fun links for my gentle readership today. They both last a few minutes, so don't click unless you have a couple of minutes. The first is a music video from a student at IU, Ole Brereton. He's won a few prestigious awards for it and is on his way to the Cannes film festival to show it. Just fyi, Brereton wrote the lyrics for the music but someone else composed the actual music. I think its pretty impressive, though I know very little about technical filmaking. The film leans a little to the left, so wallow away my Zapatistas.
http://www.olebrereton.com/main.html (When you get there, choose the video link)

The second link makes me glad I never stole from this guy. Some student at Berkeley stole his prof's laptop. This link provides part of the verbal bitchslap he gives to the student, warning him of the dire consequences of his actions. Seriously terrifying to think about. There are a few ways to download it, and you can actually watch a video, but its of the whole lecture and theres only a few minutes that are really interesting. I suggest grabbing the audio only version. Look for the phrase on the middle of the page that goes like this: "I trimmed out the actual educational part of the lecture and just left the 'good part.'" Then follow that link.
The link:

http://www.boingboing.net/2005/04/20/berkeley_laptop_thie.html

Liberal fun fest

Dear all,
Tonight Brent and I went to see the good Reverend Al Sharpton speak at IU. Needless to say, I clapped a lot. He spoke for about an hour and then did a Q&A session, which of course involved a few apt, cogent questions and a few questions meant to 'trip him up.' You might have guessed, but the entrapment questions came from, shall we say, Right-wingers. While there were no pies in the face*, the question from the R.W. was not phrased in a very respectful manner. I paraphrase, but it went something like this: "You referenced that Schwarzenegger used stuntmen to do his dirty work, but who did your dirty work on such and such date, when your speech incited a riot." That is a very loose paraphrasing, but thats the gist of it. I really don't know much about the specific dates and occurences the student spoke to, but I do know he sounded very snide, essentially saying that Sharpton single-handedly started riots. You'll be happy to know Sharpton defended himself extremely well. It was a fun--and free!--event, and its good to feel re-inspired to stay involved in the political process. Here are a few pics I was able to get, though none of them were fantastic due to our distance from the stage.






*Recently, a few pies have been thrown at conservative speakers while lecturing at Indiana universities. Bill Kristol at Earlham College and David Horowitz at Butler University. Google it for more info, if you so desire.

On a lighter note...

Your Linguistic Profile:

75% General American English

20% Dixie

5% Yankee

0% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

The time is now.

Hello gentle readers. I thought I would make it easy for my frequent readers to contact their representatives. I've tracked down your senators and congressfolk contact info. Here it is. You know what to do with it.

INDIANA
Senators
Evan Bayh
463 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING
WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-5623

Richard Lugar
306 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING
WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-4814

Representative
Michael E. Sodrel
1508 Longworth
Washington, D.C. 20515
(202) 225-5315


ILLINOIS
Senators
RICHARD DURBIN
332 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING
WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-2152

BARACK OBAMA
713 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING
WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-2854

Representative (Chicago, Andersonville area)
Jan Schakowsky
1420 Renaissance Drive, Suite 102
Park Ridge, IL 60068

(Maryville area)
John Shimkus
13 Cannon House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
Phone: (202) 225-5271


MISSOURI
Senators
CHRISTOPHER BOND
274 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING
WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-5721

JAMES TALENT
493 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING
WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-6154


WISCONSIN
Senators
RUSSELL FEINGOLD
506 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-5323

HERB KOHL
330 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-5653

Representative
Tammy Baldwin
1022 Longworth Building
Washington DC 20515
(202) 225-2906

She Emits a Primal Scream

scream
Originally uploaded by mmoster.

I'm seething at the moment. I just finished reading a New York Times article about the rights of pharmacists to decline to fill prescriptions for the Plan B pill, aka the morning after pill. I'm a cauldron of emotions at this point, but it boils down to anger.
I know we've all seen a bumper sticker or a t-shirt with the mantra, 'Keep your laws off my body', but never before have I felt so personally susceptible. You may have guessed it, yes, I have used the Plan B pill. I have used it a few times. The reasons why? None of your business. But I will tell you that I've used it both before and after I've been married. I reveal this to you to dispel the notion that this is a drug used only by promiscuous unmarried women, aka 'sluts'.
How absolutely repulsive that a person who has chosen to become a pharmacist, fully aware of the responsibilities of the job, can now invoke 'personal morals' to deny medical treatment prescribed by a doctor. (Sidenote: Interesting we never hear of pharmacists refusing prescriptions for Viagra) We're talking about a narrow window of opportunity to avoid pregnancy, and kid yourself not, if this stands, there will be unwanted pregnancies. Sure, in a large city, it might not be a problem. But what about those small towns that have only one pharmacy, like, let me think...my hometown? What is a person to do if refused there, specifically if they have no way of travelling to a town where they will be able to get it filled?

It makes me angry because this is a pill used by many women to avoid having to get an abortion. Pro lifers are kidding themselves if they think a woman who finds herself pregnant b/c she wasn't able to access Plan B will then go on to openly embrace the pregnancy. Absolutely not.

Also, just FYI, Indiana is one of dozen or so states with pending legislation to protect these self-righteous pharmacists. So what do we do? Well fear not, because Aunty Melissa has come up with the perfect solution. If our government is so interested in our reproductive organs, then I think its time we share everything. Sisters, I call you to arms. We will sit and menstruate on capitol hill sans protection till the streets run red. Thats right, we'll period the Capitol Building. The White House lawn. The Supreme Court. We will continue to share the inner workings of our body till the government has had enough of our vaginas. For our sisters who can't make the commute, send in any evidence indicating you have a uterus. Your tampons, pads, used pregnancy tests, etc. Oh, and lets have a tickertape parade with the ripped, and used, condoms. Let the semen siblings of the children that pro-lifers would have me birth rain down on their heads.
A woman threatened is fearsome indeed. Two words: MY BODY.

I'm not your stereotypical bimbo...or am I?

I hope the title grabbed your attention, I think its a pretty good one. You're probably thinking, oh no! Melissa did it again. How many times have we told her not to volunteer as the stripper at company parties? If that's what you're thinking, alas, you are wrong. I showed a hint of stereotyped ditzy female behavior today, though, luckily not many were privy to the actual meltdown. Good god, get to the point, you're thinking...so here goes nothing, an admission you'll not hear again.

I, Melissa Moster, know very little about cars. Not as in, oh I know the basics, but I couldn't re-build an engine if thats what you mean. I aspire to that kind of mediocre knowledge. I, unfortunately, know less than any 10 year old with a passion for bikes...you see, I don't know how to put air in my tires. I wish this wasn't true, but it is. It all started today on the way to Marion, Indiana--a 3 hour drive away from Bloomington. I had almost reached Indy when a trucker started honking at me and trying to tell me something. Since I wasn't doing anything untowards--not even speeding--I decided to pull over and make sure everything was ok with the car. I looked and didn't see anything. I called Brent to tell him about the weirdness and he exhibited concern over the tires. So, I pulled back off the interstate, and checked them out...kind of.

There were several obstacles: 1) I had no cash. I had to dig in the dirt beneath the seat to find $.50 so I could fill the tire
2) I couldn't get the gauge to work. I like to think that the gauge was broken, but it could have been my employment of the tool. 3) Once I had the money, I didn't know how to use the pump correctly.

So, I got back on the road, and called Brent to reassure him that the tire was fine. He scared the hell out of me with tales of a blowout on the interstate, so of course I pulled back off and went to another gas station. More scrounging, more futile pumping. I got back on the road, and immediately had to get off because it was now making a noise. Frustrated, I was, ready to cry. I had to get to Marion! I had a time limit! And, I had only 5 pennies left to my name.

Luckily, I was close to Brent's parents house and his step-dad came to my rescue. With quarters and a better gauge in hand, he saved me that day. Thankfully I didn't have to play the damsel in distress to a stranger. I loathe to think of that. I just wish I learned how to do this before it became a necessity. Why wasn't I taught? Why didn't I ask to learn? Sigh. Questions I continue to ask myself. Well, you'll be glad to know that the story had a happy ending, I got to Marion on time.

Next time, I'll tell you about my first time pumping gas, because, that's right, I didn't know how to do that either.

College party

Thats right folks, yours truly attended a real, live college party filled to the brim with young nubile bodies all itching to fuck one another. (Its amazing that more of these parties don't devolve into mass orgies.) Of course, 24 and married does not an appropriate profile make, so Brent and I pretended we were 19. It was much fun, and may, le sigh, be the last such fete I will have cause to attend. So that the memory lives on even after I've begun suffering the effects of dementia, I'll set down in computer code the highlights of the evening.

*Paid. $3 for a bottomless cup. We shared it amongst 3 of us and certainly got our moneys worth.
*Spied. A 10 year old. Seriously! Either that or she had to be a gymnast. I wish I had a pic of her, it was seriously shocking how small and underdeveloped she was.
*Informed. Told a lovely gent that the 'beanbag game' he was playing was actually called Cornhole.
*Sneak attack. I was discussing with a girl that someone I know had once referred to Indiana as a 'Butt state'. As I was about to embark on the description of what a Butt state is, the 'Cornhole' gentleman (See above) steps in and says:
"Butt state? Butt state? Butt? She got a nice butt" sort of pretend caressing this girl Caitlins ass. And then he moved on, ready to spread his special brand of self-esteem boosting.
*Drove home drunk. JUST KIDDING! fooled you all...we took a cab and I got the hiccups. Brent tried to maintain a conversation with the driver, but he was dru-unk. I hiccuped loudly.
*Passed out.

That my friends, is the end.

An anecdote worthy of urban legendhood.

As read in the Indianapolis Star.

So here's the story: A hoosier man, we'll call him "Alfred", goes to the local jail to bail out his brother-in law, "Chester" . Alfred hands a wad of cash to the dispatcher, doing good by Chester. Unfortunately, the dispatcher, employing multiple senses, notices the money is moist and smells funny. Like a good female cop, she sought out the opinion of a more qualified male co-worker. With the special powers that the Y chromosome enables, the male cop informed her it smelled like marijuana. A state policeman happened to be there, so, proving his worth, asked Alfred for permission to search his car.

This is what gets me, people, Alfred lets him search the damn car! I've heard a few stories like this one, a citizen allowing the police to search their property when they KNOW the cops will find drugs or paraphernalia. So, of course, the cops found pot in Alfred's car and arrested him. Luckily, they didn't confiscate the money and allowed Alfred to use it to bail Chester out--before they booked him.

And what a peach Chester is! He went right home to get more money and came back to the jail to bail Alfred out. How uplifting, this tale of brotherhood! We could learn a thing or two from this pair. Namely, don't give the cops permission to search your personal belongings when you KNOW there are drugs in it. I know that many people don't understand their rights and that cops can be really manipulative, but that's what I'm here for. Listen up any or all who read this: You have the right to say no to a search and you should if you know the search will turn up illegal items. That is assuming that most people have an urge for self-preservation and don't long for prison.

Thats all for now.